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Giving Up For Reals This Time

I love my fuzzy alpaca slippers, but the toe I broke (last year?) kinda slips and twitches and feels odd in them – that toe seems to need to be pretty tightly bound most of the time now – held in place – with my trainers I need to mind my footfall to avoid that weird feeling, but I’m grateful that the hiking boots just work.

My lower right leg still hurts – randomly – most of the time it is fine, but about once a day a twitch of pain throbs up by the impact point below the knee, or randomly from the inside lower part of the leg near the ankle.  But it is getting better, I think, and the swelling from the bone bruise is nearly gone.

A blow to the left knee a few weeks ago isn’t hurting while walking any more, and now just hurts on contact.

It seems to take a long time for me to heal anymore.  I’m accumulating injuries now faster than I can heal from them.  I’m 44, so not entirely surprising.

I don’t sleep much after martial arts practice.  Those nights are always very intense, very unsettled.

And then there is the freezing problem…

I’m still terrified of confrontations.  I still seriously doubt that if given the chance to sit or to get up and intervene that I would make the right choice this time.  Lots and lots of exercise and sparring practice and forms hasn’t changed that.

Owning a bloody handgun hasn’t changed that.  But that’s another post for another day.  I’m going to get rid of it.

The trainers at the martial arts studio are the nicest people in the world, and very accomplished in what they do, and very good teachers…

But…

I can’t do it anymore.

I know I was close to Black Belt, but I’m tired of hurting.

And I know I’m disappointing many people, including my dear wife and kids and instructors, but I just can’t do it.  Anymore.

Walking and hiking I love.  And the leg injuries were cutting into that.  And I need to come up with something different for the freezing-under-pressure stuff.  So, I realize this wasn’t the first time I’ve quit martial arts, but it will be the last.

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Your Histrionics Undermined Your Case

Initiative 594 is on the ballot and would extend when background checks are required by law for gun transfers in Washington State. I wanted to read the proposed law and the arguments for and against and then make up my mind.

I was disappointed but not surprised that the Against Statement was full of fear and half truths. That sex offenders would be released from jail to make room for family firearm transfer violations. That criminals are not deterred by laws. That even police would be prosecuted for loaning a gun to a fellow officer.

But when I read the voters guide details on the initiative, these arguments didn’t hold water. They came across as sensational fearmongering tripe.

I’m a gun owner but before this initiative hit the ballot I was kinda on the fence about expanded background checks. At this point though, if histrionics is the best the Against side can do, that says to me that this may very well be a good law that could take the responsibility expected of gun owners in this state up a few notches.

They are deadly weapons after all. This isn’t about loaning someone your camera or fishing rod.

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Leftovers

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It was sunny today. Ideally I would have gone to walk + jog around the lake at the warmest time of the day, but I didn’t and was stuck with “leftovers” – right at sunset.

I’m going to work at that. I’m going to try again to not fill up my day with a million things to do and leave leftovers for self-care. 

But at least I did this.