F*ck Fluttershy

A fistful of ponies. Or more like an armful. A coworker/friend was walking around an airport gift shop with a collection of My Little Pony plush for her kids. I mentioned that I have a small collection too.

I’ve enjoyed watching My Little Pony, and have identified with the kind, submissive, positive Fluttershy. But at this point I would rather identify with the energetic, assertive, daredevil Rainbow Dash.

With Fluttershy, the drive to be liked and loved can trump everything – assertiveness included. Fluttershy can be forceful – it has happened a few times – just search on Flutterbitch or Flutterrage – but it comes out explosively and out of control – like a dam of pent up frustration bursting.

Like most characters in TV shows, her character is pretty locked in – each episode pretty much re-introduces the kind, sweet timebomb doormat Fluttershy.

So, fuck Fluttershy. I’m done. I figure if I keep identifying with that character, I’m going to undermine own progress toward speaking my mind and being bolder. Time to pick a different horse to bet on.



Chasing Rabbits

“If you chase two rabbits, both will escape.”

I’ve definitely been lacking focus. It’s an effect of people pleasing. Just in the last week or so, three glaring examples hit me.

The first was during our monthly company town hall. I asked our founder and leads if a certain strategy would work for customers that wouldn’t want to do certain things. Matt, without missing a beat, said that it probably wouldn’t, but that we wouldn’t want those customers anyways.

The second example was in some feedback from a colleague – I’m paraphrasing, but basically it was that I was fixing things left and right, but that I need to fix the more important things more and less important things less. And he’s right. Priority matters.

The third example was with one of the free plugins I have been developing. It is taking off a bit, and everyone wants something added. And if I don’t exercise some “No” muscle, its going to have a user interface as incomprehensible as a 747.

So, I’ve been doing a lot of chasing multiple rabbits, and it’s time to get disciplined again. To apply the same laser beam focus I have when motorcycling, practicing with my handgun, or that I had when I used to actively do martial arts.

Ignore what can be ignored. Keep my eyes where I want the bike, bullet, strike or code to go. And have fun while doing it. :)

(Photo credit)


The Jesus Startup

When a bunch of us met in Denver for a work meetup late last year, I mentioned to a coworker how frustrated I was with the whole faith and belief thing. How I was looking at the cross tattoo I had gotten so many years before and wondering now whether it was such a good idea.

So much bad happens, and so much of it explicitly in God’s name. “They” are either doing their best to mobilize you in a right-wing crusade or boring you to spiritual death with uninspiring music and entreaties to be the best damn lamb you can be in a world with wolves.

So I had largely given up on church … again. I figured there simply wasn’t going to be a group of people where a “problem panda” could fit in. Where I could get some encouragement to be a stronger, bolder person, some kick ass music and production quality, some connection to ancient meaningful rituals and creeds, some participatory-ness (not just sit the whole time) and a heart toward the poor and making the world a better place. And not deal with which-group-are-we-hating-this-week.

Especially in rural Snohomish county.

Today I went to what I can best describe as a non-right-wing, tech savvy, ancient church ritual, delicious music, encouraging talk Jesus startup. 15 minutes from our house. I am cautiously optimistic.

I hope this works out. ’cause this is probably the last stop on the belief train before agnosticism.

Photo credit


Of Swords and Oxygen Masks

Walking while typing – probably not the best idea on a busy street, but when walking about at home to stretch my legs and get the blood flowing, it’s actually somewhat doable. This week has been challenging. I have had a very interesting project to work on at my dream job, and I got very engrossed in it – to the point where I was eating very little at lunch and not taking breaks. I got a good headache from it today even.

It’s sort of a strange twist on “those who live by the sword shall die by the sword.” Except the sword in this case is writing computer code sans breaks.

So, as I write this I am actually walking in circles around the house, which for some reason also sets one of the dogs on edge, but oh well. They will get used to it. I need to take care of myself now, especially since I didn’t do so earlier today.

After all, if we can’t take care of ourselves, how can we expect others to think we can take care of them? It’s kinda like the “put your oxygen mask on before helping others.”

And while writing this, I’ve logged about 2000 steps :) Your turn!

Photo credit


“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

- Eleanor Roosevelt